I remember
by faggoos1994
Summary: memories of previous times


_The black side of my mind is getting weaker  
The black side of my soul is getting white  
This time I'll try and dig a little deeper  
So I can change the wrongs into what's righ_

Time is so fast. I cannot keep up. People say I've gone mad, but I haven't. At least when I look in a mirror I know who is looking back.

Today I am an old woman. 84 years of age. Some say it is a miracle that I am still alive. Some say it is just magic. I _know_ its a little bit of both.

I remembered once when I was pregnant with my first born daughter, Bellatrix. She was a wonderful child, yet I didn't want her. I didn't want my _husband's_ child. No. I wanted my _lover's_ child. Cygnus cursed and shouted at me for not giving him a first born son. Something he craved for. I wasn't sure, and still am not sure if it was his heart's desire or his mind's desire. He wanted a boy. A warrior. Therefore the name Bellatrix. _Female warrior._

I remember giving birth to Andromeda. Same thing happened to Cygnus. Even when Bellatrix was asleep in her bedroom, and Andromeda in her craddle, Cygnus raised his hand on me. He was _drunk_. His _emotions_ were too much for him. What do I care. He didn't know I had a lover behind his back. Little did he know the _dumb_ husband of mine.

_The black side of my mind is getting weaker  
The black side of my soul is getting white  
This time I'll try and dig a little deeper  
So I can change the wrongs into what's right_

I remember when Narcissa came to this world. Cygnus had not even been by my side during the birth. I was alone with my mediwizard. When I held my beautiful baby girl in my arms I felt at peace. When I looked into her blue eyes I knew this was _Abraxas'_ daughter, not Cygnus'. There was no hint of his dark genes. Not his dark hair colour Bella and Andi had inherited, not his dark eyes that showed no emotion, not even was she any fuzz like my other two had been. Brilliant is it not.

I remember the time Andromeda was disowned. I yelled, screamed but held my posture, not one tear did slip away. Narcissa calm but crying, Bellatrix screaming louder than me and Cygnus, using his physical strength. I cannot deny the fact that Andi surely deserved it, but it left her bruised.

I remember my husband's death. Sick from cigars and whiskey. Suffocated in his study. Or at least I hoped so. Lung cancer. Ironic is it not? A wizard, a powerful wizard not able to defeat a common cancer. I told him to stop smoking those awful cigars. Even at that time Bellatrix had joined him in his habits of smoking, but she prefered cigarettes. Thought she looked sexier.  
**No she didn't! She was locked away in Azkaban the time Cygnus passed. He drunk himself in his whiskey and inhaled only the poison of his cigars. The news from our daughter's capture was the death of him. Not did I complain. The girl was a trouble since birth. Sleeping why my husband, her own father to gain his approval. Scandal, i must say. **

_The black side of my mind is getting weaker  
The black side of my soul is getting white  
This time I'll try and dig a little deeper  
So I can change the wrongs into what's righ_

I remember the letter I got from my disowned daughter. Letter saying I was a great grandmother. Telling me her daughter was a mother now. Little did I care. The letter soon found its way underneath the firewood in the fireplace.

I remember the _war. _Darken times for both sides. Bellatrix out of Azkaban, madder as she ever was. Narcissa afraid for her son. The first male heir of Cygnus Black. I had no say in it. I favoured Lord Voldemort's cause yet I did not want to join the ranks. After all, I am just an old woman, barely able to stand without my cane or holding onto something.

_The black side of my mind is getting weaker  
The black side of my soul is getting white  
This time I'll try and dig a little deeper  
So I can change the wrongs into what's righ_

I remember that my daughter died.

I remember my daughter running with her family to be able to live.

I remember the birth of my great-grandson. Draco was so proud to show his little boy to me. He was precious and I saw he carried my genes. Light blue eyes and blonde hair. The Rosier-Malfoy family. A hope I used to hold onto, but had to let go.

Now I am just an old woman. Sitting in my arm chair, surrounded by darkness. My filthy house elves the only thing I have left. I have my breath but soon it will leave me. I have my wand, but my hands fail to hold it. My time has come and I will part this world as Druella Rosier. Not Black. I was never a Black.

_The black side of my mind is getting weaker  
The black side of my soul is getting white  
This time I'll try and dig a little deeper  
So I can change the wrongs into what's righ_


End file.
